Bernie
by cgaussie01
Summary: Prequel to Metro Cover!  Bernard's first shaky steps without his family aren't as bad as he thought, but what is really going through his head?
1. Chapter 1

Bernard Dunnings was born Bernard Abraham Dunnings, which was an indication right off the bat that the boy was going to be trouble, at least for his parents.

He was their second born, after their eldest daughter Alice, and before their youngest son Michael. Growing up in a strong Christian family Bernard was welcomed into the faith by having his head dunked in the water. Naturally, the baby boy with brown eyes had screamed the house down and had continued to do so for the remainder of the day, and throughout his family's party to celebrate his entering into God's House. His grandfather had jokingly said maybe it was a sign he was going to be trouble, no matter what.

The little boy was a quiet child, who kept to himself as he grew. Despite having an older sister, by four years, who coddled him and dragged him around the house while dressing him up in all manner of baby clothes, he never complained or fussed. In fact, despite his screaming fit at the Church on his Christening, little Bernard (Bernie, to his mother) rarely cried. It was obviously not in his nature.

"I don't want to go to school." Bernard started each morning with, once he had to be shuffled off to his religious school. "All we do is pray."

"And that's important!" said his mother as she dressed him in his school clothes, placing the straw hat atop his brown hair. "Remember God loves you, even more than I do."

He would sigh, and head off to school following his sister Alice. Once Michael was old enough to go to school, the younger brother would trail alongside his big brother telling him how excited he was for classes to begin. Report cards from school were always the same, Bernard got top grades in all of his classes, but was a renown 'anti-social'. He refused to join in with the rest of the students when they had little gatherings, always preferred to sit off to the side by himself. During lunch and recess the boy would hurry into the library, buckle down with a book and read for the entirety of the break.

"It isn't healthy." said his teacher, at the parent teacher interview when he was eight. "Bernard is no doubt gifted, but he just... locks everyone out. It's as if we aren't of interest to him."

"What do you suggest?" asked his father.

"I'd recommend involving him in social activities. The Cubs, the Scouts, something along those lines." said the teacher.

And so Bernard was thrust into the Scouts. Despite claiming having no desire to know how to stop, or start, a fire, tie knots, or sing along at camp outs, he was forced into every single one. Despite the Scout's leader doing his best, Bernard continued to remain out of the loop on everything. He would glare, snidely comment on things and out right insult some other boys and made more than half his Scout Group cry at some point or another.

"Just what is wrong with him? It's like he doesn't want to fit in." ranted his father one night, while the children were asleep. "It's as if his soul purpose in life is to make everyone think we're bad parents."

"He's just a child." replied his mother quietly, though she was feeling the same thing. As his mother, she was meant to defend him, wasn't she?

"He's eleven now. He's old enough to know!" snapped the man.

"Adam," she sighed, reaching out and touching his arm. "Bernard's... Bernard's just one of those children. He likes to be alone. You can't force him to be anything he isn't."

He looked at his wife, sighed, and rubbed his forehead. "It feels so maddening Marie. Last week at the Marx family picnic? For Lucy's Holy Communion? When asked what he felt when he had to take Christ' body do you know what he said?"

"No..." Marie replied, bracing herself.

"He said that Jesus tasted like cardboard. Nothing about how... how happy he is to be part of the Church! Nothing at all like that. Only that it tasted like cardboard! Why is he like that? Just, tell me why! Should we take him to see a Priest? What if he's possessed and we've just never known and-" Marie grabbed her husbands arms, pulling him in and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Calm down. Just calm down. He's. He's just different. Don't make me face the sight of watching my son being exorcised when we don't even know if he's possessed. Do not."

Upstairs, holding onto the stairs banisters was Bernard. His glasses fogged from his breath and brown eyes wide he listened as his father complained. He felt as though he was being back stabbed by his father. Was he really that bad a son? He never got into fights, he didn't swear, he didn't bite... he was just. Honest? Was that so wrong? Sniffing once, the young boy got to his feet and returned to the safety of his room, crawled under his bed, and by torchlight he read Charles Dickens Great Expectations.

Everyone just... bored him. He saw no point in spending hours a day praying to a person who never showed himself. There was no point in knowing how to tie sailor knots, since at what point in his life would he need it? Those around him were so uninteresting he wanted nothing to do with them. Even his own family. But how could he tell his parents that? He couldn't.

"...maybe I should pretend to be interested...?" he asked himself before actually snorting, and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. And at the same time I'll praise God and kiss his feet."

And so it continued. He did indeed end up seeing a child psychologist on a few occasions and they gave him some medication, but it did nothing else but makes his mouth feel dry and his stomach fluffy. He could swear his father still seriously considered sending him to see a Priest, but it seemed his mother's defense of him kept him away from acting out The Exorcist and spewing out green pea soup.

But it was during his teenage years that things began to, somehow, both fog and clear at the same time. Of course like any teenager Bernard suffered the changes in his body. Puberty hit with the subtlety of a brick wall collapsing, and soon he was a gangly, tall, bespectacled boy that no girl showed interest in. To be honest, he had no interest in them, either. He watched them giggle and gaggle together like a flock of hens, prancing around in clothes in an attempt to appear sexy yet still wearing the school uniform and felt... well. Nothing at all.

He was more drawn to watching the basketball team. Bernard would often find himself sitting under a tree outside with a book, in full view of the sports area of the oval. There the boys would be practicing all manner of things. Running, basketball, baseball... he found it all the more interesting when they would play shirts vs. skins.

Being the smart boy that he was, Bernard didn't have to question why it felt this way. He knew, that day, fifteen years old and watching the boys in the older classes playing basketball, that he preferred men. Then he realized just what this meant.

"Crap." he said aloud, closing the book he was reading as he did. "This isn't good." Bernard mumbled, lifting a hand and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. This wasn't good at all. His father was against homosexuals; it's who he was all about. Follow the word of God. Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve. Or Alice and Eve. Every time something about same-sex marriages came up on the news his father would launch into a tirade of reasons why they shouldn't be allowed, that it was a sin against God, and that they would burn in Hell for their sins.

To think what his father would say, or do, if he found out his oldest son was a queer. He wouldn't put it past him to yell at him, maybe even kick him out the house. So what would Bernard do? Live a lie? Pretend to be interested in girls, maybe even try to get a girlfriend to play the role of his fake love interest to keep his parents off his back? His sister Alice was already engaged to be married, and she was only nineteen and it was the same boyfriend she had gotten when she was sixteen. Groaning, Bernard hid his face in his hands and wondered why things went this way for him.

"Maybe I was a murderer in another live." he mumbled. That would explain why his life had gone the way the way it had, born into a super religious family, an older sister already to marry and have a slew of children, a baby brother who was in choir with the voice of an angel, and parents whose main concern for their middle child was whether or not he'd find a nice girl and get married.

Only he never would. Why should he pretend? Why should he hide who he was? He'd never cared before what his family, or the Church, thought of him. Why would it matter now?

"_Because this is bigger then anything._" said a little voice in the back of his head.

"I hate it when I'm right." Bernard muttered.

~*~

Bernard completed high school without making a single girlfriend, or boyfriend which was unsurprising to everyone to be totally honest about it. He wasn't exactly the most handsome man around, with that wild brown hair that defied gravity and hair gel and his round glasses. The boy wasn't exactly known for his winning personality either, but they said that probably explained why he had such high grades. He was never distracted by friends, girlfriends, or by kissing.

So he, like the rest of his class graduating, donned the blue gown and cap... and a stupid gold chain with the cross hanging around his neck. He wasn't expecting to be called up though, because his grades were the highest the school had seen in over ten years. Bernard made his way up the stairs to the podium and shook the hands of the school's Priest, and the Principal.

"Would you like to say a few words?" asked the Priest.

"No." Bernard replied honestly, turned, and walked back down to his seat. There were awkward smatterings of applause as he did.

Rather then take a year off to travel aboard or see the world, Bernard instead got work right away. Not a month out of graduating the young man had gotten hired at a telecommunication company. When people's computers weren't working, they would call, and he would talk them through just what they had done wrong, how stupid they were, and just how to fix it. It was easy work, with good enough pay, and he found himself working in a surprisingly male dominated industry.

Which meant he had a lot of guys to look at throughout his day. So he never complained.

"So how's the job coming, Bernard?" asked his father one evening whilst reading the newspaper after another long days work of his son.

"Fine." Bernard replied as he watched the television.

"Making any friends, Bernie?" asked his mother, she herself was doing another one of those stitching you hung onto the walls. Hers read something about God's undying love… or something like that.

"I don't know." he shrugged, having long given up telling his mother to not call him that name.

"You don't know?" asked Adam, lowering his paper. "Don't you talk to people?"

"All day." Bernard said, looking to his father. "I'm on the phone to people who can't begin to process the meaning of the words 'refresh' and 'check your cable connection'. I talk till my mouth is sore and my throat dry."

"You know what I mean." frowned his father.

Bernard sighed. "Yes. I do speak to my work mates."

"Well good to see you're making an attempt at making friends." said the man, nodding and looking back at the paper. "Don't make plans this weekend, Lucy's having Leslie's christening on Sunday and we need to help set up the place on Saturday for the party."

His father always said that. Don't make plans. As if he _would_ make plans in the first place...

~*~

"Hey Bernard, you coming with us?"

Bernard looked up from his magazine at his desk, to see three of his work mates standing around him. The tallest one, Max, was an olive skinned man with a thick accent which brought on thoughts of the Caribbean. Besides him was Damian, a pale skinned man with a beard and glasses, and always wore clothes that seemed too big for him. Last of all was Seth, who was fairly average looking but had the most beautiful eyes Bernard had ever seen in his life.

Course he would never admit this. "Coming where?"

"Seth's throwing a big party on Saturday. Aren't you Seth?" Damian asked, to which Seth nodded.

"And you're inviting me?" Bernard asked slowly, as if trying to process a reason why. They were all at least five years his senior, and yet they were asking him to attend a party?

"Well yeah. Why else?" Seth asked with a lop sided smile, "You're a funny guy. I think my friends would like you."

Nobody had ever said _that_ to him before. He hoped he wasn't blushing, that would be so embarrassing. "Yeah?" he asked.

"They like dry humor and you're full of it." said Seth. "So you gonna come?"

"Yes." Bernard said straight away, surprised at his own eagerness. He didn't want to spend his whole Saturday decorating a hall with his cousins over a baby he could care less about. Yes, that was a horrible thing to feel, but he was dragged into religious family crap every other weekend and it was getting tiresome. "I mean." he reeled himself in. "Sure. I'll come."

"Awesome." Seth grinned before handing him a piece of paper. Bernard tried not to shiver when their fingers touched. "Here's my address, be there by four."

"Four." Bernard echoed and watched as the trio headed off, and looked down at the address in his hot little hands. Seth had asked him to his party. Nobody had ever asked him out to a party who wasn't family related. What was the party for? Was it his birthday? Should he buy him a gift? What would he get him? Should he bring a drink? Crap, he couldn't buy drinks could he. He was still eighteen. Maybe he could take something from his father's wine cabinet? As if he would miss anything.

His heart began to beat wildly. A party. An actual party. With people who weren't souped up on God and family crap. Seth would be there. It was an _adult_ party. He would finally find out whether or not Seth was interested in girls or just guys, it would all matter on the ratio of how many girls there were in comparison to guys. What if it was a guys night in! That would be even better. He could ask him if he has a girlfriend, be casual and sound uninterested which was not too hard for Bernard to pull off at all. Or, maybe he would find somebody even more interesting at the party, too. While the idea of finding a guy more interesting than Seth seemed next to impossible he didn't rule out the possibility.

For the first time in his life, Bernard was excited.

He wasn't sure if he was going to throw up or not, but he was excited. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Come on Bernie, up and at them, up up up!" Alice was clapping her hands as she marched into Bernard's bed room and pulled the blinds open, drowning the room in morning sunlight. Long brown hair swept up in a pony tail, Alice turned to stare down at her middle brother who was face down on his bed. "Come on Bernie, we're decorating today remember?" she asked, reaching down and shaking his shoulder.

Bernard made an articulate grumbling noise and turned his head away.

"Come on!" she said again, grabbing his blankets and began to drag them off. Bernard grumbled louder and grabbed his blankets that were being pulled off of him, and yanked them back. "Bernie!"

"Stopcallingmethat." he finally said, lifting his head to glare at her blotchy out line with one eye. "Bernard. Say it with me. Bernaaaaarrrrd."

"Bernie." she said stiffly.

"Isn't he up yet?" Michael, blonde haired and blue eyed like their mother, walked into the room and peered down at his older brother.

"He knows it's important." Alice said, folding her arms.

"If you're this bad over decorating a stupid hall for a baby's ceremony I shudder to think of how you'll act when it's your wedding." Bernard muttered as he finally sat up, and rubbed his face.

"Finally!" Alice said as Michael suddenly grabbed the blanket covering Bernard and yanked it away.

Adam and Mary heard Alice and Michael's screams of alarms from downstairs. Thundering of footsteps followed and a door slammed shut, and they watched as their oldest and youngest children appeared in the door way.

"What happened?" Adam asked.

"Mother. _Please_ tell Bernie to wear clothes to bed." Alice said through gritted teeth as her face was flushed red with embarrassment while Michael looked like he'd just seen a ghost.

"Well it's not really my job to tell him what to wear..." Mary said quietly.

"He flashed you?" Adam asked, eyes narrowing. "Bernard!" he called suddenly. "Get downstairs right now!"

They heard thumping footsteps and Bernard soon appeared, having wrapped himself in his blanket, and looked all kinds of embarrassed, angry, annoyed, and put off. To be totally honest none of them had ever seen him looking so emotional before. "What." he said darkly.

"Did you flash your sister and brother? We don't encourage that kind of behaviour under this roof!" Adam demanded.

"They pulled the blanket off me." Bernard pointed out. "Well. To be honest Michael did." he said, actually pointing to his brother.

"Is this true?" Adam asked, looking at Michael.

"It was a joke, Dad." he replied, "Not my fault Bernie doesn't wear clothes to bed."

"Why don't you wear clothes to bed?" Mary asked suddenly, "Do you get hot at night? Do you want me to put a thinner sheet on you maybe that'll help?"

Bernard flushed and shook his head. "No. No, Mom. No. I'm fine. I just. I don't like sleeping in clothes. It feels too constrictive."

"You used to wear clothes when you were little-oh wait, remember Adam? He began taking his clothes off when he was three, and he did it in front of the Priest that one time..." she started reminiscing which had Bernard's face turn even redder.

"Embarrassing. There in church he suddenly begins to wriggle around and taking his clothes off, diaper and all." muttered Adam.

"I'm going back to bed." Bernard said as he began to turn and head back up the stairs.

"No you're not." Adam called, "You're helping set up the hall today remember?"

Bernard groaned. "Oh joy. Decorating for a baby who isn't mine." he said dryly before looking down at his family. "Can I at least get dressed or do you want the whole family to see me without my clothes on?"

"...go get dressed." Adam muttered.

"Thank you, father, for giving me this opportunity to clothe myself. I'll never forget this charity you have given me." Bernard muttered right back at him before returning upstairs.

"He's such..." Michael started, looking for the word. "...a weirdo."

"Hmm." Adam actually agreed just as his wife was opening her mouth to scold her youngest.

"Don't call him that." she said quietly. "Everyone's different but God loves us all. Remember?"

"But Mother!" Michael gestured upstairs. "He's eighteen, he's refusing to go to college for a year so he can work? He's not even with a girl yet! What's wrong with him?"

"Something I've been wondering for a while." Adam muttered as he picked up his coffee.

"Maybe none of the girls in his school interested him." Alice said, "Maybe I should introduce him to some of my friends friends? Ooh! I could bring some to the party tomorrow, he can meet them!" she paused in thought before making an 'ooh' face again. "Amanda really likes boys with glasses!"

"Good fine dear, do that." Mary said, "It's good he meet more people." she added while looking at her husband, as if daring him to say anything. "It'll be good for him."

"Hmmm." was all Adam said.

~*~

"Higher. No, higher. I said higher-wait too high! Bernard you're not even trying!" Michael said as he watched his brother trying to hang the banner up on the wall.

Bernard sighed and rested his head momentarily against the wall before turning to glare over his shoulder. "Do you want to do this?" he asked.

"I might as well." Michael sighed.

"Sorry I'm such a disappointment, younger brother." Bernard said sarcastically as he stepped down off the small step ladder and handed the banner over to him. "Here. Now I get to shout higher, higher, at you."

"Tell you what, why don't you go help Alice? I'm sure she needs it in... whatever it is she's doing." Michael said, already walking away from Bernard.

The middle child sighed and looked across at his sister who was making sure the white table cloths were in the right spot, which was hard to tell since they were round tables. Grumbling to himself he walked over to her, avoiding his cousins who were tying large pink bows to the back of chairs.

"Can I-" he started.

"No." she replied quickly, holding her hands out. "Don't touch it. I think I just got it level..."

Bernard looked at the table cloth, back to his sister, then reached out and tugged on it. "There. Now it's level."

"Bernard!" Alice whined, "That was level!"

"No it wasn't." he replied, pointing. "This side wasn't right."

"It wasn't?" she asked, suddenly sceptical as to whether or not her brother was lying to her again. He tended to do that a lot.

"It wasn't." Bernard said.

"Hmmm." she frowned, before clapping her hands together. "Oh! Bernie, I wanted to tell you! I'm bringing some of my girlfriends 'round to the party tomorrow. Some are really interested in meeting you."

"What have you been telling them, and will I have to pretend like I speak another language again?" Bernard asked.

"What? No. No!" Alice said, wishing her brother would let go that one time she had told her friends in third grade that Bernard was adopted and spoke some strange language she didn't know. He, of course, had over blown it and had spoken gibberish for a week. "No, no." she said again, confirming what she didn't have to.

"So what have you been telling them?" he asked.

"That you're working at a call centre, that you play the piano, you read... you know. That you're intelligent."

"And my dashing good looks?" Bernard asked, voice slowly beginning to loose it's rich sarcasm to one of dull, deep vocals.

Alice smiled weakly.

"Relax. I'm kidding." he said, "It'd be weird if you told your friends I was dashing. Or good looking. Even if it is true."

"Right... well! Just letting you know some of them are coming by tomorrow. Try to say at least hello?" Alice asked.

"I'll try." Bernard sighed. "I will."

Alice cheered and quickly embraced him before turning back to her table and put her hands to her hips. "So you really think it's lopsided?"

"...it was." he said after a long stretch of silence, not being really one for touching or hugging when it wasn't needed. Bernard straightened his shirt and put his hands on his hips too, mirroring his sister far too much and neither of them seemed capable of noticing.

"All right, let's start again..."

And so Bernard ended up using the rest of his day making sure everything was in place. Name tags were set, as were the tables, balloons filled with helium, pink things everywhere, bows, ribbons, and all frill things that would be all good to go come Sunday. At the end he had Alice drive him home, and he went upstairs to his room to change.

He spent over an hour trying to decide just what to wear. Shirts, tops, t-shirts, jackets, hoodies, jeans, pants, trousers, shorts, shoes, sandals, sneakers, flip flops... but it wasn't too long before he made his way down stairs and went into the kitchen. His parents were out, it being a Saturday they were probably at some club gathering with something he could care less about. This meant he could possibly take something to the party from their pantry, though he still had no idea what. Opening it up he stared inside, and sighed when he remembered how boring his family was. No chips, no dips, saltine crackers, not even a biscuit or a cake.

"I hate this family." he muttered to himself as he shut the pantry door and went through to the lounge, but more importantly, the part of the lounge where his father kept the wine. Bernard stared at the racks of wine on display, and his palms itched. Was he really going to do this? Despite not agreeing with most of the religious stuff shoved down his throat, stealing really wasn't something he'd normally condone. But he could pay his father back, easily... but then there was the fact he was underage. He shouldn't be drinking.

"What are you doing?" the voice made him actually shriek and jump, spinning around to see his younger brother standing there in his jeans and t-shirt.

"Nothing. What are you doing?" Bernard asked back sharply.

"Just getting home from choir practice." Michael replied slowly, leaning slightly in order to see past his brother. "Are you drinking alcohol?" he asked, eyes widening.

"_No._" Bernard replied testily. "I'm taking it."

"But that's Dad's!"

"I thought it was the Easter Bunny's." Bernard said, irritated already by his brother's presence.

"You're not meant to take that, you're stealing. And you're underage!" Michael cried out, as if hoping his parents were within hearing range.

"Calm your lungs, choir boy. They're out." replied Bernard as he put his hands into his pocket.

Michael suddenly seemed to notice his brother was actually dressed... nice? Black pants, shining Church shoes, a tan brown jacket hanging over a shiny silk shirt with buttons. Even his hair looked like it had actually been combed. "Whoa, are you going out?" he asked.

"Where I'm going isn't your business." Bernard said through gritted teeth.

"You have a date!" Michael jumped to conclusions normally but this one was almost painful. "Oh! Who is it? What's her name?"

"Seth."

His answer came out far faster than he thought it would. Bernard internally gasped at his own statement, since Seth wasn't his date, it was his party, but he wasn't his date! Maybe a large part of him wished he was his date, that he could possibly hold his hand and stand closely besides him but that didn't make it true. Judging by the look on Michael's face his little brother had just blown a gasket in his brain.

"Relax." Bernard covered, "I'm kidding. Seth isn't my date. He's a-" for a brief second Bernard scraped for a word, "-friend from work." he finished with.

Michael still looked uneasy and actually took a step away from him. "A friend? You don't have friends. You've never had friends." he said.

"Then, dear baby brother, if I don't have friends how could I be going to a party?" Bernard asked. "You know what. Stuff it. I'll buy something on the way there." he said as he walked around his brother, and he couldn't help but notice how his brother actually moved away from him as he approached him. What had began as a simple slip of the tongue had become a test, an experiment. It seemed his brother was just as homophobic as his father, since he didn't even want to be near him.

Somehow, this hurt.

"I'm still telling Dad." Michael called as Bernard grabbed his car keys off the hook by the door.

"What, that I made a joke? I never noticed that was news headlines." Bernard hissed at his brother, turning in the door way to glare at him.

"That you're going on a date!"

"_I'M NOT GOING ON A DATE!_" Bernard actually screamed, backing out and slamming the front door behind him as he stormed down the path to his small cheap car that sat waiting on the side of the road. His outburst had surprised even himself. Was he actually upset that his brother had reacted the way he had? That he'd taken it seriously, and had actually backed away from him? It was like he was suddenly diseased. Was it his own fault for not joking about things as he was growing up? Should he be blamed for his brother's reaction?

"No." he said aloud as he climbed into his car and slammed the door shut and sat there at the steering wheel for a moment before punching it, sounding the horn with a loud 'HRRNK' that echoed in the sleepy neighborhood.

From the front house window, Michael watched as his older brother started the car, and took off.


	3. Chapter 3

In the end he stopped at a local store and grabbed some salsa dip and chips since that's what people normally brought to parties, right? He really had no idea since his family was the type to buy 'God's food' which meant vegetables, fruit, and of course meat, fish, and diary products. They didn't buy processed food at all, so there were never any chips, dips, or anything of that sort in their house. The most processed thing ever was the crackers but they normally were eaten without anything.

So here he was, parking out side of Seth's house and saw the multiple cars parked outside. Already he could hear music playing, and people talking above it all. Swallowing slowly, Bernard grabbed his dip and chips before locking his car and making his way up the walkway. Seth appeared to have Gnomes all over his yard, which only further amused him. Knocking, Bernard stepped back and waited. Oh God. This was it. His first party. Invited by the guy he liked. He swallowed hard as the door was pulled open and the tune of Bowling for Soup performing '1985' welcomed him.

"Bernard, you made it!" Seth announced with a big grin and reached out, grasping Bernard's shoulder and led him inside.

"It was quite a journey." he admitted feebly as he walked in, trying hard not to focus on the pressure of Seth's hand on his shoulder at all. "Drove over mountains and through lakes..." Bernard glanced at the photographs on the wall of family, friends... but none of Seth with any young women. Why did this excite him?

"Hah yeah it is pretty rough out here." Seth said, "Oh great you bought salsa, thanks. You didn't have to."

Bernard just shrugged and stopped once he arrived in the lounge to find the place swamped with people. There was one couple most certainly making out on the couch and he couldn't tell if they were both girls or both boys or a very effeminate boy and masculine girl. There were groups of guys sitting together smoking and holding glasses talking together. Outside was a swimming pool, but it seemed ignored for now.

"So this is your place?" he asked, glancing around.

"My folks. They're out on business for two weeks and I'm house sitting." Seth replied as he walked Bernard through to the kitchen, squeezing past some girls who were most certainly checking Bernard out as he walked by.

"So you're having a party. Certainly screams trust me with your house." Bernard said as he set his salsa and chips on the counter.

"Doesn't it just?" grinned Seth. "Come on, lemme introduce you 'round."

And so Bernard was dragged around the house being introduced to people. Some he recognized from work, others he had no idea on. Seth gestured vaguely to the couple on the couch as 'Alex and Mark' before moving on. Bernard couldn't help but glance over his shoulder as they walked on, and he saw that Alex was most definitely a boy.

"So what do you do with yourself?" Seth asked as he leaned against a wall, Bernard standing across from him.

"Myself?" Bernard asked.

"You know. Outside work. As exciting and action packed as our work place is, what do you do to keep you just as excited when you're not at work?" he asked.

Bernard blinked, before shrugged. "I read a lot. I still live at home so I put up with my parents and my little brother. My sister's getting married in a few months, and my parents seem pretty hooked on that. Tomorrow I have a stupid baby Christening to go to and I had to decorate today. Alice, my sister, is inviting some of her friends from work to introduce me."

"Oh dude. She's trying to hitch you up with a friend? Why would she do that? My sister would hate it if I shacked up with a friend of hers!" Seth laughed.

"She means well." Bernard said, looking down at the lemonade he held in his hand.

"So you're single?" Seth asked, arching a brow. "Someone with your intellect and quick wit? Surely you jest."

Bernard gave a faint, nervous smile and looked at his feet. "I'm not really a social person. Never have been, even when I was a kid."

"Takes all kinds." shrugged Seth.

"So... howboutyou?" Bernard wondered when his voice had suddenly muffled itself to sound like one long run-on word.

"Huh?" Seth tilted his head.

"How about you. I mean are you seeing someone?" clarified Bernard.

"Ah. Well. Just had a bit of a nasty break up to be honest." Seth explained but added before Bernard could apologize, if that was what he was about to say. "I'm better without 'em. Believe me. My time's my own again, I can see my friends when I want, drink what I want. It's all good."

Bernard simply nodded. Yet still no mention of gender at all. Why was that? Did he think Bernard would judge if it was a guy? What if it was a girl, and he just grown used to not mentioning a gender because he was obviously better without her? Why was he thinking so much into this? He felt like a fool.

"Guess you've never had messy break ups then, huh?" Seth asked.

"No." Bernard replied quietly. "Kind of hard to when you haven't dated in your life... I live in a pretty strict religious family. If I brought home who I wanted they'd disown me."

"You don't date animals do you?" Seth grinned teasingly before laughing, and patted Bernard's arm. "I'm kidding. I get what you're saying, don't worry. Good to see you know what you like. I didn't figure out till a year back." he added before taking a drink of his alcoholic beverage.

Bernard's heart was somewhere in his throat as he stared at Seth.

Seth glanced at him then snorted. "Relax, I'm not gonna hit on you." he said before pausing, and raised an eyebrow. "Unless you want me to?"

"I gotta ago." Bernard said suddenly and turned on his heel and started walking. Oh God. Oh God oh God. Why was he suddenly feeling so... so not like himself? He had been tempted to laugh at the joke, to reach out and bat at his arm in a way that wasn't him. Why was this happening? He shouldn't have come.

"Bernard, Bernard." he heard his name, and kept walking until he felt the mans hand grab his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I over stepped my boundaries," Seth said, Bernard still incapable of looking at him. "I was joking, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me." Bernard said quickly, turning his head to finally look at Seth. "You got my hopes up. I don't like having my hopes anywhere."

"Why?" Seth asked, letting him go slowly.

"It's just not how I operate. I've never really hoped for anything more than what I have. I live with my family. I know I'm the black sheep of them. I don't follow God or believe in half the stuff they do. In fact I believe in none of it. All my life I knew I didn't belong and since I was a teenager I knew I liked guys and you know what that means? It means I'm in a closet. I'm in a closet I hate and I can't come out of it because if I do they'll disown me and you'd think I'd want that, since I hate being there but they're my family. I do love them. I love my mother, my father and even my sister and brother but tonight I joked I had a date with you and the look he gave me told me just what they'd do if they found out. Now you tell me you're into guys and you joke about hitting on me as if I'm a joke and I don't want to be a joke to anyone. I'm proud of who I am but I'm sick of not telling them and-"

Seth reached out and put a finger to Bernard's mouth, silencing him.

"Take a breath before you pass out." he said simply.

"Thank you. I think I forgot that important part of living." Bernard said weakly, shutting his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"You really think your family would react badly, if you told them you were gay?" Seth asked.

"I know." Bernard replied quietly. "I don't know if I want to loose them."

"But you'll loose yourself in them." Seth said. "Maybe it won't be so bad?"

Bernard stared down at his hands and shrugged. He'd like to imagine that his parents would accept him, but he knew they had always seen him as the strange one. Granted, such a word never was said at him, but he could feel it. He could see it in the way his father looked at him when he would pass by his door of the office whilst he was over looking a new case. For a lawyer, his father was surprisingly oblivious to the problems his son was tackling. Weren't fathers meant to be able to understand their sons? He seemed to get along with Michael no problem yet with him...

"You think they'd disown you, honestly?" Seth asked quietly, no longer joking but now realizing what kind of situation Bernard would find himself in.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Only one way to tell." he admitted.

"So you'd tell them? Alone?"

"I've done everything else alone." Bernard replied honestly. "I tackled who I was by myself. I got through classes alone without any assistance. I got my job alone. I can do things alone. I've always been independent."

"That's commendable." Seth said quietly. "Impressive really."

"I know." he smiled.

The rest of the party went, surprisingly, well. Seth managed to coax Bernard into sitting with him and his friends and they talked at length about all manner of things. Their jobs, their supervisors, movies, songs, television shows, but all of them seemed to avoid family subjects. Seemed none of them got along terribly well with their folks, which was fine for Bernard since he didn't have to answer any questions about what his family did. He was so average. His father a lawyer, his mother a secretary, his sister worked at the botanical gardens and his brother was still in school.

How dull.

While a guy named Jonny began talking at length about his up and coming finals due, Bernard glanced out the window and saw the pool still waiting to be used by somebody. Seth glanced up and spotted Bernard's attention waning before leaning over, prodding him in the shoulder.

"You want to go swimming?"

Bernard turned and stared at Seth, before looking back outside. "Can I?" he'd never gone swimming at night before.

"It's a pool, man. It's what it's for." Seth said before getting up, "Guys, heading out to the pool. Want in?"

It seemed nobody else shared Bernard's desire to late night swimming since they shook their heads or said no. "Snobs. Come on Bernard." he got up and walked out of the house, followed by Bernard.

"So this is fine?" Bernard asked as he stood besides the side of the pool.

"Totally." Seth replied as he began untying his shoes. Bernard stood there, watching as Seth kicked his shoes off and waited to see if he'd take anything else off. Oh God. If he started taking his pants off Bernard was afraid things might get a little difficult to control. Instead, Seth, fully clothed, leaped into the water. Yelping at the splash back Bernard backed away, lifting his hands.

"Whoa! Careful..." Bernard didn't want his clothes getting wet. Crap. He wanted to go swimming. That meant...

"You coming in or what?" Seth asked as he ran his hands through his wet hair. "Am I gonna have to drag you in?" he grinned up at him from within the pool.

"No, no no. I just don't want to get my clothes wet wet. I'll just." he gestured to a chair near by and began removing his jacket. Setting it over the chair he heard Seth begin to splash around in the water, but he focused on getting his gear off first. Unbuttoning his shirt he lifted it up and over himself, revealing just how pale he was. It was like a walking, talking snow man he was so pale. But then again, Bernard wasn't the type to walk around shirtless on hot days. Even growing up when his family and he would visit the beach he'd be wearing a shirt.

But here he didn't have that luxury. Here, he had to strip down to the bare essentials to go swimming.

Swallowing he glanced quickly at Seth, but saw he wasn't looking his way. That alone made the removal of his pants much easier, at least until he realized he hadn't even removed his shoes yet. With a faint yelp he almost fell over but sat on the chair, on top of his shirt, and unbuttoned his shoes and tugged them off along with his socks. Then came his pants, and he folded them all on the chair. Little was he aware that Seth had turned back around and was now watching, with purpose, with his arms folded on the side of the pool.

"Fff... s'cold." he muttered as he rubbed his hands against his pale arms.

"The water's heated." Seth piped up helpfully making Bernard yelp in surprise. "Wow you're jumpy when you're only in your boxers!" he grinned.

"Can't help it." muttered Bernard as he approached the edge of the pool. "I'm not the type to bare all to somebody before."

"And I'm your first. How touching!" Seth pressed a hand to his chest. "I shall remember this."

"Oh shut up. Even in gym class I'd change in the cubicles rather then run the risk of an awkward boner amongst all my class mates." Bernard said as he gently poked a toe into the water, testing it. Seems Seth was telling the truth, since it was indeed warm.

"Really? Hah. Weird. Come on then!" he splashed some water at Bernard before swimming away, and Bernard finally stepped down into the pool.

Bernard sighed heavily as he felt the water over take him, and he tilted is head back slightly. "Oh yeah. That's the stuff."

"Great huh?" Seth asked as he swam around Bernard and approached the edge of the water.

"You're getting out?" Bernard turned his head to look at him.

"What, no. Taking my shirt off. It's getting all clingy and weird."

"...oh." he turned his head and stared ahead for a brief second before turning his head to watch as Seth pulled the shirt off of him. Bernard's eyes widened when he saw Seth had a tattoo on his left shoulder blade of a Japanese, or Chinese, letter. "You have a tattoo." he stated obviously.

Seth turned and glanced over his shoulder at him, then grinned. "I do indeed."

"What does it mean?" Bernard asked as he swam just a little bit closer.

"Dragon." Seth explained, reaching to touch the blue writing with his hand. "The year I was born in and I'm into that kinda thing you know."

"Oh yeah." he remembered seeing a tiny china blue dragon sitting at Bernard's desk at work. Now it made sense.

Seth suddenly paused and thought a moment. "So wait I'm like... five years older than you, right?"

"Hm." Bernard didn't like to be reminded how young he was at all.

"So that means... hah. You're a rooster!" Seth grinned.

"Yay. I'm a cock." sighed Bernard.

"Passionate, resilient, patriotic, industrious, courageous, protective. But on the other hand they're conceited, blunt, rude, bossy, aggressive and impatient." all the while saying this, Seth had very slowly swam over to Bernard, so they were no longer so far apart from each other.

Bernard suddenly felt as though the pool water was much hotter than he remembered it being a minute ago. He swallowed faintly, and rubbed at his glasses since they were fogging up but all he did was smear water over the lens. "So, so uh. What about a dragon then, what are they like?"

"Resourceful, self-assured, adaptable, original, valiant, enthusiastic." Seth replied, seemingly having memorized certain points about his Chinese zodiac.

"And the bad stuff?" Bernard asked.

"Arrogant, hot-headed, critical, irritable, discourteous... and unpredictable." Seth replied with a small smirk.

"Wow. A prize." Bernard replied quietly before he realized, at some point, he'd ended up with his back against the swimming pool walls. He stared at Seth, who was watching him with a curious look one would give a cat that was doing something it normally shouldn't. Like, for example, sewing. "...what?"

"So you've hidden yourself in cubicles. You're not out to your family. You've never dated. You've never been with a guy?" he asked.

"No." Bernard said quietly. "I told you. Not so much as held a guy's hand." he suddenly looked down since Seth had just taken his hand into his.

"That's one." Seth said quietly.

His heart must have moved into his ears since his heart beat was suddenly VERY loud. "...what's two?"

"This is two. Because I like you, and think you deserve a break." Seth said before he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to his, a soft, gentle, though a little bit bristly first kiss for Bernard.

The teenager froze in the water on the first contact and his eyes remained wide open. This was certainly not what he had been anticipating when he came to this party tonight. Okay. Seth said he liked him. Did that mean like like, or just like? Was this a pity kiss? Should he be angry? He didn't feel angry. Not at all. He felt quite nice, to be totally honest.

Then the feeling was gone, and Seth was pulling away from him.

"Happy first kiss from a guy, Bernard." Seth smiled faintly.

"...thanks." Bernard replied quietly, hoping that Seth wouldn't notice just how big a boner he had just given him.


	4. Chapter 4

The two spent at least an hour in the water, and whatever transpired between them shall remain Bernard and Seth's own little secret. After wards though, Bernard had taken his time getting out of the water since he didn't want anyone seeing him pitching his personal tent in his boxers.

Once he was dried off and dressed again he re-joined the party only to find most of the guys there were either too drunk, or stoned, to really make decent conversation. When some guy offered him a tote Bernard knew it was time to go. It was now well after midnight and Bernard was walking down the path with Seth towards his car.

"...thank you. For inviting me." Bernard finally said. "I think I needed this. And to talk to you about. You know. Gay stuff. And everything else that happened afterwards..."

Seth laughed, hands on his hips. "No worries. You take care and I'll see you Monday at work, right?" he asked.

Bernard nodded and fought the urge to, I don't know, maybe embrace the man with the brown hair and pretty eyes but chose not to. Seth was a good, no, great guy to talk to. And he was a great kisser, no doubt about that. But it still wasn't clear to Bernard as to whether or not Seth _liked_ him or just liked him. Kissing a guy didn't automatically make you boyfriends, and he had admitted to just going through a nasty break up. So being friends would have to do for the teenager, if just for now, and he could honestly live with that. What had happened tonight, the talk, the pool, the kisses and the touches was special and nobody... not even his God praising father could take that away from him.

He smiled at Seth. This was a shock to the man since he'd never seen Bernard smile so... sincerely before. "Yeah. You will. With bells on."

"Literal bells?" Seth asked with a grin.

"No promises." Bernard got into his car, started up the engine, and drove off. Seth waved at the retreating car before sighing and putting his hands back into his pockets and began walking back up the walkway.

~*~

"Where have you been?" Adam demanded the instant Bernard walked inside. The lights had been off, and his father had been sitting at the foot of the stairs in his dressing down and slippers. So he had actually waited to do this?

"Out?" Bernard asked, closing the door behind him as the lights upstairs began to turn on.

"Out? Young man we have a curfew system in place here." Adam said as he got to his feet, his brown eyes narrowed through his own glasses as he stared down at his son.

"You never told me." Bernard replied calmly.

"That's because you never go out! What is wrong with you, Michael told me you were going to steal a bottle of wine off me. And that you were going out with a... a... _Seth_!" the older man's vein in his forehead was actually visible. This was a first for Bernard, and for the first time he felt if a little scared of his father. But only a little.

"I didn't steal a bottle of wine. And I told him it wasn't a date, it was just a party." Bernard said, hoping his voice didn't tremble or his face turn a darker shade of red at the mention of Seth. "Why are you making such a big deal about this? I should be able to leave this tower for some reason other then work."

"Tower? Oh, so you're in jail here, are you?" Adam demanded as he stepped down the stairs until he was standing face to face with his son. Standing like this, one could clearly see the family resemblance. They shared the same facial structure, glasses, brown eyes and wavy hair but Adam's was cut shorter and thinning at the front. Bernard however had his mother's slight height advantage, as well as the shape of her eyes. "Where you eat for free, live under our roof, your mother buys you your clothes... this is a jail to you is it?"

"Sometimes it feels like it." Bernard said as he heard the approaching footsteps of his mother and possibly Michael too.

"Adam!" Mary said as she finally got down to the two, trying to put herself between her husband and her son. "Adam he's never done this before, just leave him be. He didn't take your wine, he just wanted to have some fun...!"

"No." Adam said, "If this is the start of something I'm nipping it in the bud right now." he pointed at Bernard, "You are _grounded_, Bernard. For a week." he announced, "You're not to leave this house for any reason outside of work. Do you understand me?"

"Does this mean I don't have to go to the stupid christening tomorrow?" Bernard asked, probably a little to hopeful than he meant to sound.

"I don't want you embarrassing me like you do every other event we go to. You're to stay here." Adam growled before grabbing Bernard by the arm and pulling on him, before pushing him up the stairs. "Now get to bed!"

Bernard hated himself for actually yelping, since his father had never raised his hand to him before. For a split second he had been terrified by the prospect of the man striking him, or shoving him over. Adam had some build on him, and could easily over power his skinny, slim son. He couldn't dare make a comment at his father now; instead he ran up the stairs and passed his brother who was looking out through his bedroom door.

"Thanks a bunch." he said quietly to his brother before going to his room and closed the door behind him and locked it with the key, despite knowing his parents had a spare one, and went to his bed and climbed onto it, shoes still on.

What was their problem? He'd never gone out before; he'd never been out before. While he'd like to think his dad was mad at him for disobeying 'rules' that had never been passed down onto him, he knew it probably had a lot more to do with the fact Michael had told him that his eldest son had been on a date with a boy. Lifting a hand, he set it to his forehead and groaned. If this was his reaction to only that piece of information what would he do if he learned that his son had made out with a guy tonight?

Downstairs he could hear the muffled back and forth of his parents, another argument over him, and another day.

The next morning Bernard stayed in bed, curled on his side as he heard the busy talk of his family outside. Alice had come over without her fiancé (he must be working) and he could hear them all talking downstairs around nine in the morning, before climbing into the family cars and taking off. Nobody had even come in to check on him, or see if he was still in bed. As if he would sneak out, where could he go? Grumbling, Bernard got up and started his late morning routine.

Bathroom. Shower. Shave. Dress. Make bed. Breakfast. Normally that would lead onto chores and he stared at the breakfast table mess his family had left behind. They'd done this on purpose, he was sure of it. Or at least his father had made it so the girls didn't clean afterwards, making it part of Bernard's punishment.

Not really feeling up for another argument he did the dishes in silence, before walking through to the lounge and turned the television on. Slowly he eyes scanned the photos on display and sighed as he saw one of himself, new born and curled up in his mothers arms as she sat up in the hospital. Every sibling had a photo like this, the first one of them ever taken. He had been born with hair standing on end, so nothing had changed about it at all.

He picked up the photo and gave it slow dust with the t-shirt he was wearing before setting it back. The sounds of a commercial played but he paid it no attention. Moving on, there was a photo of Alice and her fiancé. Michael in his choir. But none others of him. He just wasn't the type to have a photo taken, so whenever a camera came out, or near him, he would hide.

Then he made his way to his bedroom, and grabbed a suitcase. Slowly he began to pack. His underwear, pants, shirts, jackets, toiletries, a few books and lastly a photograph of his family. It was taken back when he was still young, and Alice had her hair in pigtails. Michael was only a few years old, small and squirming in his mothers arm while her other arm was around the young middle child, Bernard. He stared out at the camera with honest irritation on his face at having to pose, while his father had his arm around his sister Alice.

"I sometimes wonder if you had an affair with the milk man, Mom." he mumbled at the photo. Sure, he looked a lot like his father in some aspects but he couldn't get over how vastly different his personality was to everyone around him. It was like they had painted a zebra white and put it in with the white horses in a zoo.

Was it dark to pack for being kicked out of the house? Most likely, but he was the type to think ahead, and plan. When his parents came home that day with his siblings, he would tell them the truth. That he liked guys, and that he wasn't sorry, as well as that he wasn't going to hide it.

He anticipated an explosion so he was ready for it. Sliding the suitcase under his bed he took a deep breath and touched his forehead. "Calm down." he said to himself, "Don't cry out loud. You've learned how. Don't give him the satisfaction." Bernard chanted a few times to himself before quickly making sure he had it all. Glasses. Books. Clothes. Medication. He had the smaller things set into a backpack that he had kept from his time in Scouts, the bag was big enough and had felt so heavy when he had been a little boy. Now it was nothing.

Going to a yellow pages near the phone he picked it up, flipped to the nearest hotel and found the number. While he'd like to go to Seth's, it was too soon. They'd only just came out to each other the night before and even if they had made out in the pool it would make him look only like a pathetic clingy teenager if he showed up on his doorstep with his suitcase and blubbering over the fact his parents kicked him out. Seth wasn't obligated to take care of him, nobody was. He wrote out the name of the closest motels and hotels and jotted down their prices.

Luckily his money was his own, though he had been giving his parents some money when they needed it. Bills. Groceries. Stuff like that. No more would he have to do that, though.

Bernard made his way downstairs once again and found the television on, and sat down in front of it. Picking up the remote he began to channel surf blindly, not really watching the screen at all. Time seemed to decide to speed up things since the next thing Bernard was aware of, it was after nine and it was now dark out. All the lights were off in the house since he hadn't bothered getting up to turn them on, so he sat there in the darkness of the lounge, the only light coming from the television screen.

It wasn't long until he heard the soft purr of the family car as it approached. Lights from outside passed over his face as they passed the windows, and he sighed to himself and felt his heart shiver. Outside he heard his family's voices, in no rush to go in until Adam spotted the lights were off.

"He hasn't gone out has he?" he asked as he opened the door, "All the lights off like the middle ages..." finding the light switch he turned it out and jumped to see Bernard standing by the stairs, an almost mirror of the night previous only Bernard wasn't in his pajamas. "Bernard! Give me a heart attack!"

"The gift that keeps on giving." Bernard said dryly as Mary and Michael entered. Alice stood outside, looking a little apprehensive.

"What's going on?" she asked, clearly reading her little brother better than the rest for once.

"Something. Can I talk to you?" Bernard said.

"Who?" Adam asked.

"All of you." Bernard added, gesturing to the lounge. "It won't take long."

"If this is about your behavior recently..." Adam started as he walked through to the lounge, followed by Mary and the other two. Finding their own seats they sat, and Bernard walked around the coffee table that separated them and stood there.

He stood there for a few moments but after too long Michael sighed. "Riveting speech, Bernie."

"It's not Bernie." Bernard said quietly, "My name is Bernard. Bernard Abraham Dunnings. Not Bern. Not Bernie. Bernard." he went on to explain before looking at his mother. "I'm named for my grandfathers on both sides of the family. Got it?" he asked and when Michael just shrugged at him and looked away the fire that had been burning in Bernard's stomach began to wane and flicker out. He stopped, before biting at his bottom lip. For the first time ever, there were nerves.

"What's wrong?" Mary asked, "Are you in trouble with someone?"

"You don't need money do you?" asked Adam. "Is this what this is?"

"No." Bernard said, voice strengthening as he put his hands together. He had nobody to hold his hand, so he might as well hold his own. "It isn't about money. My job. Or anything like that. This is about me. Now. I know I haven't been the easiest son-"

"Now that's an understatement." Michael scoffed but was shushed by his mother.

"And that you all felt I didn't fit in here. I wasn't out going. I wasn't chipper. I most certainly wasn't a popular guy in school. I'm quiet. I'm reserved. You've never worried over where I am. You always know what I do. But this seems to have earned me the title black sheep. Don't deny it. I know it. I see it." Bernard continued, unable to look at anyone but down at his hands. "Everyone sees it and I'm not some idiot who can't tell when he doesn't belong. But you're still my family. And as my family you all have a right to know something that you don't."

"That you're what?" Michael asked, crossing his legs uncomfortably.

"...Alice, I know you brought some friends to the party in hopes I'd like one. I appreciate the offer. But I don't need girls like that." Bernard said, turning his attention to his sister.

"O-oh, no that's all right...! I mean, I know you have your own personal type..." she said, daring not tell him how she had phoned them the night before cancelling the whole thing due to her father going crook at Bernard the night before. How did she know? Michael had called her to tell her. She'd felt awful over hearing that her brothers first foray into being social had ended so badly.

"They're not my type at all." Bernard added.

He waited, to see if anyone could pick up on it. His father looked like he was slowly grasping it, whilst his mother just looked confused. Alice seemed to be a few steps ahead because her eyes were widening with every passing second. Michael, meanwhile, had gotten to his feet entirely.

"You're a fag!" he said swiftly.

"Michael!" Mary gasped.

"He is, he just said it!" Michael said, pointing at Bernard. "He's one of _those_ people! I told you! Last night he said!"

"Is this true?" Adam finally spoke, eyes on his eldest son.

Bernard swallowed slowly, hands now white knuckled against one another. "Yes. I've never liked women. I'll never like women." he said clearly.

"How could you do this to us?" Adam spat, getting to his feet so quickly Mary jumped in surprise. "Not only do you have to be this anti-social self absorbed little punk all your life but now you do this? Is this because you're the middle kid, because you think you're owed a special treatment? You've done _nothing_ to show you deserve any kind of respect! Your sister's buying her first house! You don't even rent, and you don't even own that heap out there! You didn't buy it; you inherited from your grandfather! And now you're telling me you're a... a..."

"Homosexual." Bernard finished the sentence, eyes narrowing.

His mother merely sat there on the couch, slowly covering her mouth with her hand. "Is this... is this my... my fault?" she asked shakily.

"Shut up, it isn't anything you did. You didn't coddle him or baby him at all! He's always been a weird little thing, ever since you were a baby! I knew the devil was in you, I _knew it._" Adam growled. "And now it's obvious just how much he's gotten his claws into your weak little mind."

"Weak little mind?" Bernard asked, frowning. "I graduated with top honors in my class! I never got anything lower than a B in all my time in school how can you call me weak?"

"You are _weak!_" Adam hissed, suddenly reaching out as if to grab Bernard but his son backed away quickly, just narrowly missing stepping into the table. "So what did you want out of this, huh? A damn medal? Just wait till the family hear about this, we'll be a disgrace on the family name! I'm just glad your grandfathers aren't around to see their names besmirched by your perverted mind!"

"I am not a pervert!" Bernard shot back as he began to back away from his father who followed after him. In the corner of the room he could see Alice was sobbing, turning away from the whole thing. Michael had vanished, most probably up to his room to keep away from the situation, not wanting to witness this at all. His mother was now to her feet, following after his father.

"You are an abomination, a sin against all what is good and Holy with the world and I will _not_ have you living under my roof! Get out!" Adam ordered, yelling now, and pointing to the door.

"Why did I have to be right?" Bernard shouted back, feeling the tears in his eyes now and for once uncaring that they were there. "I knew you'd do this! I _knew_ you'd say all this! Why couldn't you love me anyway? Why is it all about a figment of your imagination who's done nothing for the world but give you a false hope to cling to!" he demanded, "God damn it Dad, I'm your _son!_"

"You will NOT speak that way in my house! _GET OUT!_" Adam's screams followed Bernard up the stairs as he found his room and opened it. Vision blurry from the hot tears Bernard grabbed the wheeling suitcase and backpack he had already packed. Damn it. Why had he been right, why? Of all the times in his life to be right, why now? He glanced up and saw his mother standing in the door, her blue eyes full of tears but she actually looked scared.

Scared of what, him? Did she think she would catch 'gay' from him? Maybe scared of loosing him?

"...I-I'm so sorry." she said quietly, clinging to the door frame.

"Don't be." Bernard said quietly, tugging the backpack into place and wiped at his face with his hands. Why couldn't she hug him, like she used to? Was it a crime now, to touch him? "Don't be. Y-you have Alice and Michael. You'll get what you want from them."

"But I want you, too." Mary said quietly, voice shaking. "You're my l-little boy."

"_MARY._"

She flinched at hearing her name shouted by her husband and she slowly reached out and very quickly wiped some tears from Bernard's face before hurrying from the room and he heard her going down the stairs. Taking another shaking breath, Bernard grabbed his suitcase and dragged it from the room.

"Already packed, my word. You certainly know how to plan ahead. Destroy the family today, what's next?" Adam asked from his place at the foot of the stairs as Bernard came down them quickly. "Going to one of your little AID carrying friends houses?"

"None of your business." Bernard said as he grabbed the door handle but before he pulled it open his fathers hand pushed the door shut and the man was suddenly in his face, whispering quietly.

"Once outside this door, understand one thing. You don't come back. You're not a part of this family anymore. If you see me in the street, I won't see you. You won't call. You won't write. Your mother, your sister, and your brother are nothing to you but strangers in the street. You're dead to us all. You're not my son, not anymore. Are we clear?" he whispered quietly, hotly.

Bernard stared at the door before quickly looking at his father. The man's face was red with rage yet through it all, in those brown eyes so similar to his own, he saw fear. Sadness? But it was drowning in the blind rage, the hatred. There was nothing he could do for his father now. "Yes Mr. Dunnings." Bernard said hoarsely before his father allowed him to open the door and he walked outside.

He didn't look back until he was in the safety of his grandfather's car, his suitcase and backpack in the back. Turning his head he finally looked at the house he'd been born and raised in. While he hadn't been treated badly in his childhood, he hadn't exactly been praised either. Memories of his parents hissed arguments over whether to send him to a doctor or a priest danced through his head. Michael's teasing of him, how he would bite and scratch, then steal his glasses. Then Alice, she had meant so well but her mind was elsewhere while her heart was in the right place.

He saw the shadow of his brother in an upstairs window, but it quickly vanished.

The tears were back, and he choked a sob before actually scratching himself in the face, tugging his glasses off in the process and pressed his hands to his eyes hard, trying to stop the tears. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" he hissed to himself, voice shaking with raw emotion, but he couldn't stop it. His father hated him. His brother hated him. His mother and sister... he didn't even know. He wanted them to still love him, to still care about him but how could they with that man in charge of their lives? It would be weak and pathetic if he left contact details somewhere for them.

His shoulders shook as the tears continued despite his best efforts and he leaned back in his car seat, taking deep breaths. Suddenly there was someone outside the car, knocking on the glass. He jumped and flailed a moment and saw the blurry outline of someone with blonde hair. Struggling for his glasses he heard them speak.

"B-Bernard," it was Alice, he recognized her voice despite being without his glasses. "Please... please don't go..." she whispered, "You don't have to…"

"You heard him." Bernard said hoarsely, looking at her and seeing his own reflection in the glass of his car window. God he looked a mess. "I-I'm not his son anymore. I'm not in this family. You shouldn't be talking to me."

"But you're my brother." Alice said quietly. "I, I used to change you and cart you around the house and you never fussed or complained...! I'm sorry for all the mean things I've done growing up but I was just a stupid little girl who was embarrassed of a brother who was smarter than her. Please, please come back. Y-You can stay with me! Dad doesn't have to know...!"

Bernard felt like he could throw up from the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling. He choked, and shook his head. "No... no I. I have to get away Alice."

Alice looked at him and shuddered before pressing her hand to the glass. Bernard sighed and did the same, and stared at her through his reflection and the both of them gave each other a sad little smile.

"Try not to get into too much trouble." Alice said quietly.

"You too." Bernard replied before starting up the engine of his car, and glanced at her as she was beginning to back away from the car.

"Don't... don't apologize for anything, all right? If it's one thing you take from me Berni-Bernard, at least take that?" she asked as quietly as she could, despite being further away now so her father wouldn't hear.

He laughed, a broken, shaky thing, before nodding at her. "I promise. Goodbye Alice."

"Goodbye Bernard." she whispered before watching him drive away from her and the family. She shuddered, wrapped her arms around herself before moving away to get into her own car and go home.


	5. Chapter 5

The woman behind the counter when she saw a disheveled looking young man walk up to the counter, dragging a suitcase and carrying a backpack. She lazily blinked behind her glasses before sitting up straight, causing the already strained buttons on her blouse to tug even more since her bosom was a large one. "Hey hun, needin' a room?" she asked.

"I need a bullet to the head." Bernard muttered as he set his suitcase down before continuing, before she ask anything or just stare at him as if he'd just grown a second head, "Yes. A room please."

After showing her his I.D. he got a key to a room and made his way upstairs. Opening the door he stared at the small motel room. On the wall hung a television. By the door was a long desk of drawers. Across the room was the bed and besides it was a chair. Then there was the door which no doubt led to the bathroom and toilet. He threw his bags down onto the floor, uncaring where they landed, and made his way to the bed.

Throwing himself onto it, Bernard lay flat on his face up until he began having trouble breathing and rolled onto his side. Glancing up he saw, hanging besides the bed, was a crucifix. Sitting up quickly Bernard unhooked the cross and the sad looking skinny man with a head carrying a crown of thorns and threw him into the bedside drawer besides the Holy Bible. Slamming it shut he turned, throwing himself back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"So this is it." he said to the quiet room. "Life without my family." Bernard slowly sat up and found the television remote and turned it on. Seeing the news going on about the release of a criminal who had blown up a school and helped aid 20 prisoners to escape reminded him that there were bigger things happening in the world that wasn't related to him. He watched as a crowd of people were protesting outside the prison, and a Warden with graying brown hair stood in front of the microphone.

"Jude Doe has been cleared psychiatry tests, and has proven himself to be a strong-willed individual. Granted his past is a troubling one I believe the boy has a chance of finding his feet on the outside. He is no longer viewed as a threat to society, I cannot stress this enough. This country is about giving people a chance, and this boy deserves one more than any others."

Then it was replaced with a woman behind a desk, commenting on how Jude Doe was unavailable for comments and refused any further interviews. What followed was more boring local news, about another Scott Manor Charity Gala and all manner of fancy things. Bernard got off of his bed and began hanging his things in the room's closet. Tomorrow he'd have to start looking for more permanent accommodation. Just a one bedroom place would be enough for him, somewhere in the city so he could use public transport without leaving his car out on the city streets for anyone to walk up to and scratch a rude side into the door, or hood.

Once he was unpacked and ready for bed Bernard climbed in under the sheets and sat there. The television was now showing some adult cartoon show, so he picked up the remote and turned it off before sliding his glasses off and set them on the bedside table. Shifting down so he was laying flat, Bernard shut his eyes.

But he awoke not two hours later, a nightmare having felt so real and horrifying it had startled him awake with a loud shout. For a brief second he didn't know where he was, since his bedroom door wasn't normally there, and the window wasn't there it was meant to be over there...! Then he remembered. His father yelling. His mother crying. His sister begging. His brother hiding. He hitched a breath and let out a short cry before covering his mouth.

"No, no." he told himself. "No."

He forced himself to lay back down and keep his eyes shut, to clear his mind of his family, and to focus on work tomorrow. Seth will be there. He could tell him about how he had moved out of home. Nothing about coming out to his parents. That wasn't his business. Then again Seth was pretty smart he'd probably pick up on what it all meant... and then maybe Seth will offer up a celebration for him moving out? That would be so like him. He smiled faintly at the memory of the pool, and Seth's hand caressing his cheek as they kissed in the warm water.

Focus on the good things. That's what he had to do.

~*~

"You moved out?" Seth asked, once Bernard had told him so at morning coffee on Monday morning. "Wow, really?"

"Hm." Bernard nodded as he blew on his coffee to cool it. "I felt it was time."

"Did you come out to them?" he asked, raising both eyebrows. "Nobody makes a grand exit so smoothly so quickly."

Bernard bit at his bottom lip a moment. "I did."

"Didn't go great huh."

"Understatement of the century. So I'm out on my own." Bernard shrugged, "So now I'm looking for a place."

"You're certainly handling it well." Seth commented, "I got a friend who was kicked out of home and she was a mess for weeks."

Bernard looked away, then back to Seth. "Different people different reactions."

"And she had her girlfriend with her! Did you do it alone?" Seth almost sounded impressed.

"Yes." Bernard blinked. "I tend to do things alone. Coming out to my family was just another thing to do alone."

"Wow. You got balls, Bernard. I'll tell ya that much." Seth whistled.

He resisted the urge to remind Seth just how he should know how big his balls were but chose not to. Hardly appropriate conversation for work.

"This deserves a party!" Seth announced, lifting his hands in the air. "What do you say? Party my place, Friday?"

"I'm not going to be offered drugs again am I?" Bernard asked flatly.

"No, no. I told Jason off about that. I told him you don't do that crap and to stop doing it at my place. Last thing I need is my folks finding a joint down a couch cushion when they get home." laughed Seth, "God my Dad would freak."

"Freak out of the century?" Bernard asked.

"Nah I think that goes to your dad." Seth replied before leaning in and wrapped an arm around Bernard's shoulders, surprising the young man. "Don't worry. Long as you keep your head on straight and your mind clear, you'll do fine. You're a strong guy, Bernard. You'll have to be."

"Thanks..." Bernard mumbled before giving the man a small, if gracious smile. Seth smiled but let him go before Bernard could move in to, I don't know. Maybe kiss him? Even now he wasn't sure what he had been intending to do.

"Back to the grind." Seth sighed before walking off, "But remember, party. My place. Friday. Be there or be square!"

"But it's hip to be a square." Bernard replied, and felt a little hopeful when Seth laughed at the corny joke. Making his way back to his desk Bernard sat and positioned his ear piece into place and got down to work again. But he stopped, since there was something on his computer that hadn't been there before. A small box. "Huh?" he reached and picked it up, and gingerly shook it near his ear. Something inside rattled. So he unwrapped the paper and couldn't help but smile widely at what he had been given.

A small red rooster.

"Don't need to ask who you came from." he said to the rooster as he set him in front of his monitor. Bernard tapped the small rooster on the head and chuckled. Good ole' Seth. How'd he find this thing? Had he gone out and bought it for him on Sunday? Wow. His first gift from a guy. He'd have to remember this.

And he did. All throughout the rest of the week while he worked, and when he would search for an apartment for himself, Bernard would often look at the rooster to just admire it as it stood there, wings slightly out and head arched; caught mid-caw to announce the start of the day. Friday was fast approaching, and the anxiety he had felt last time he'd been invited to a party had ebbed away.

But the numb shock and loss of his parents and family did not ebb away. It was always there, at the back of his mind. Niggling, nagging. Metro City was a big city sure, and he would never just 'bump' into them but what if he did? His father had made it clear to him he didn't want a thing to do with him, the same as Michael. His mother and sister though... and the rest of his extended family. They were more widely spread but Metro City was _their_ city, and no doubt they all knew he had been kicked out of home by now. Unless his father had lied and told them he had died in a horrible shark jumping accident.

Or something like it.

Once he'd had an idea of driving past the house, and he had even gotten into his car before he reminded himself that no, he shouldn't do this. Things were laid out in black and white. He wasn't their son anymore. He was a stranger. At night, when he would think about this, he would get that sick feeling in his stomach. He never threw up but the urge was strong. Was this being strong, or weak? A truly strong individual wouldn't be feeling this sick, especially home sick. He had hated it there so why was he missing it all?

"Familiarity." he whispered to himself in the dark before rolling over and shutting his eyes. "Nothing more nothing less."

The next morning as he was heading to work the woman behind the counter, Sally, called him over.

"You doin' all right there hon? You working?" she asked.

"No. I'm flying around the world on my magic carpet of dreams." Bernard replied dryly.

She laughed, though it hadn't meant to be seen as a joke. "You're funny!"

"I try." he sighed.

"Really now hon, you got no home?" Sally asked.

"Not now. I'm looking." Bernard shrugged but then gave a surprised sound since the woman's long nailed hand suddenly trailed down his chest.

"More than welcome to come by my place, hon." she purred.

Bernard took a good step back, eyes wide. "I'm gay." he told her straight up, utterly creeped out that a woman older than his mother would actually hit on him like that.

"Gay?" she asked, "What, you kissed a girl 'n didn't like it?"

"No," he started.

"So how do you know you're gay then? Maybe you just ain't found the right woman to set you straight." she smiled and actually licked her lips at him. Bernard felt like he was going to throw up.

"I. I don't want to be set straight. Thank you. I'm quite fine. I'm fine. I'm going to work now. Good bye." and he walked out, quickly, not even bothering to turn back at all even once he was in the safety of his car. "oh my God." Bernard said to himself as he drove through the traffic. "Set me straight? How _old_ is she? Ugghhhh. Oh god. Jesus tap dancing Christ no."

He arrived to work and jumped straight into his cubicle, fastening his head piece into place and started answering questions and tried his best to forget the image of that woman and what she _might_ have done to him. It wasn't easy. It was like a nightmare, but one you couldn't properly wake from. Groaning he shuddered and hung up after one more call and rubbed at his face.

"You all right Bernard?" Seth asked as he approached his friend, leaning over slightly. "You look like you're going to throw up."

"The receptionist at my motel hit on me." he said quietly.

"Is he cute?" Seth grinned.

"She is fifty years old and her tits are as fake as Barbie's." Bernard groaned. "She said because I've never been with a girl I haven't found the right one to set me straight."

Seth erupted into pleas of laughter, clapping his hands together. Bernard failed to see the humor in it, so he just glared at him until Seth stopped, and wiped at his eyes. "Oh Jesus that is hilarious. You need to find a new hotel before she starts going through your stuff."

"She'd do that?" Bernard's eyes widened.

"What's stopping her? She might be doing stuff on your bed _right now._" grinned Seth. He watched as Bernard's face paled then chuckled and nudged him with his fist. "Calm down I'm kidding. But you should find a place. How's the hunt going?"

"I'm going to see a few places this weekend." he replied quietly.

"Well you surely haven't forgotten the party tonight right?" Seth asked with a smile.

"Course not. It's been what I've been looking forward to all week." Bernard admitted, "Are there going to be a lot of people there?"

"Not really." Seth said.

"How many?" Bernard asked.

Seth gave him a look.

"...just me?" it took Bernard a moment to ask.

"Yeah. That all right? I mean I can ask a few other guys around if you want? I just saw how uncomfortable you were with all the drinking and stuff the guys were doing last time." Seth admitted.

Bernard found this very... nice. Touching. To think he had noticed that, and had decided to throw a private party for him. Maybe they could go in the pool again? He liked the pool. He had good memories of the pool. Flushing faintly he gave a small smile. "No I'm fine with that."

"Awesome. Catch you there." Seth said with a grin before heading off back to his own desk, having used his break up seeing Bernard.

Sitting there alone, Bernard turned to stare at his computer blankly for a moment. Oh God. Just him and Seth. They could watch a movie. Maybe go swimming. Kiss a little more. His body shivered in excitement before he told himself to calm the Hell down; Seth wasn't after a boyfriend. He himself wasn't sure if he needed one yet. Did he? He was feeling awfully lonely, which was a shock to him. He'd never felt alone again. Then again, he'd never been without his family before. Only now, out in the world without them around to pester and love him in their weird little ways, did he realize how alone he could feel.

Cruel irony.


End file.
